5.2

so when you are in the midst of an existentcial crisis it is great to have friends that fill different roles...
the friends who nod and question, the friends who agree and wallow with you, the friends who will try to over analyze and fix it, the list continues. i am thankful to all of the people i have forced to listen to me over the past couple days. I am a bit of a wreak, crying in coffee shops all over town. it is rare that i am like this and it must mean something.
is it the hurricane and flooding? the disorganization and chaos that is leading to death and unnecessary destruction? the racism? the government's lack of response? the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness? is that what is causing my melancholy?

is it the anxiety about the shows? my recent lack of interest in everything related to theater? the guilt i feel for being able to do whatever i want to in terms of my art, and not being inspired to do anything? is that the hollowness i feel?

is it the loneliness? the longing for friends that are not here? and the self-reproach because i am very lucky to have the friends i do? i am surrounded by love and well aware that (as cheesey as it sounds) i have to fill my own emptiness. is my gloominess caused by the ideal that i should be happy and therefore blame myself because i am not?

anyway, enough blah blah, this is like a freakin’ diary entry, well i guess they all are, but this one is like i am in 9th grade or something… “what am a going to do with my life? what if bobby doesn’t like me? what should i wear to school tomorrow” LAME.

Recommendation: make a happy mix tape, and dance yourself silly. mine includes: mates of state (haha) shins (new slang) commom (the light) and the killers (mr. brightside)