2.1

week two beings...
so it turns out that friday night was not anywhere near as bad as i thought it was going to be. i got to hang out with the boy i like and even though his friends terrify me i survived and didn't make an utter fool of myself. in general i spend a lot of time making sure that i honestly don't care what people think of me. not that i just say it but i believe, that if i am as good as i can be in every way then i don't care what other people (random people) think of me. the glitch is that i do care what certain people think and sometimes their opinions are based on other people's opinions.
anyway... early friday night was spent trying to impress hipsters when i am not even that interested in what they think of me. but when i got to the bar i started to panic, i didn't have any backup, my friends were all hanging out together (where i wished i was), the two people i knew were busy talking to each other, so i ditched out to the bathroom to try to calm down, then pretended to get a phone call but instead called my friends to get a little reassurance. after a talk down, where i almost lost my shit but then just ended up repeating that "i can do this" and "they are good people" i worked my way back into the bar. i put on my best politicing stance and tried to make some friends. it is like i am socially inept.
i made it to phase II where 12 of us went to la boheme, my first regular strip club experience. there it was easier because we didn't have to talk, and if we were talking it was just about the "dancers" who by the way couldn't really dance. i am not sure about the allure of strip clubs, you need to have so much money for it to be worth it, i thought it was a bit depressing.
phase III... everything just got better. the boy and i went to breakfast king and had a lovely time, then went to rollsman's house to meet everyone else. it was a bit rowdy: drinking, rhyming, leg wrestling, the cops came and then we left. all in all not anywhere close to the horror i was creating for myself.