15.3

i think i might be going crazy. the loneliness and insecurity is overwhelming sometimes. the lethargy is taking over, again. i need new things in my life. this is what happens when blogs go bad, they turn into boring self-deprecating and reflective diary entries. it feel like i'm in jr. highschool. i wish that writing bad over-reactive poetry would help now like it seemed to then. i could write not-so-cryptic prose about unrequited love and how cool i am but no one knows it, and how any day now people will realize my brilliance, but i will have moved on.

recommendation: i'm so much cooler then your boyfriend (bop skizzum)

15.2

here is a new list to catch up on the time i've missed...
.5 evan's b-day at lucky strike, bowling for the overprivledged.
1. city-wide pillow fight (see 15.1)
2. weirdest flobots show ever. halloween at the deadbeat club. some of us dressed up like the flobots, talk about fan boy/girls
3. halloween at evolution for softcore... i was lame and didn't dress up. there was an awesome rainbow bright costume. i love reminders of childhood.
3.5 saw carmen (in preview) at the new opera house. so cool, w/ sub-titles in the back of the chair in front of you.
4. voted. everything passed (except d) even the pot possesion. crazy.
5. trying to save money, and not eat sugar. problem being i really like sugar and it was halloween.
6. i've been kinda lame and in hiding. not so much going out or sociallizing.
7. streap throat once agian. 3 times since aug. and i don't even work wih kids. stupid.
and now we are caught up again.

15.1

it has been a long time again but there is a story i should tell.

so the week before halloween, i was at a coffee shop and found this flyer... it looked like a 10 year old drew it and i will try to quote it as much as possible it said:
pillow fight!
friday 10/29 (then the 9 was changed into an 8)
10pm sharp we mean it!
come in costume
bring your friends... to hit them
meet at the n/w corner of 13th and washington... and maraud from there

i imagined the most wonderful scenerio, where a fourth grader made this cute little flyer for his fourth grade friends, they were going to have a big time in the city, but one of them left a flyer on the bus and someone found it and made tons of copies and distributed them all over denver. in my scenario a bunch of crazy hipsters show up to battle the fourth grader and take back their streets. this was not however the case. but it was still one of my favorite nights ever.

i showed up at 10 sharp (i can follow directions like what.) and went over to the n/w corner. there were about 8 kids (by kids i mean 20something kickballers) dressed in black on the s/w corner and a couple of people on the n/w side. the media was represented and some cameras were ready to shoot, but in true hipster fashion most of them were late. no one was claiming the event, the press kept asking who planned it but no one would answer (i think it was this guy in a houndstooth jumpsuit, with a whistle, so hot.) anyway by about 10 after each side had reached critical mass, about 25 people per side of the street, and when the light changed everyone ran into the middle of 13th ave and started hitting. pure chaos. when the light turned green someone whistled, someone yelled "LIGHT" and everyone returned to their respective sides. this continued for 40min. so awesome. so tiring. i love everyone who showed up that night. it was such a pure event. just fun. no malice. someone even brought an already open pillow "for ambience" and was passing out handfuls of feathers. other people came with home made pillow club type things. so great. it ended with the cops third trip though, and a helicopter shining a light. someone called in a traffic disturbance, but the fun had been winding down anyway, people were so tired they were sitting in the street flailing pillows.
i don't think i can get across how great it was.

recommendation: throw your own city wide pillow fight.

12.1

so as you see six weeks have pasted... six whole weeks, and i was doing so good for awhile there. so the advice is just to start writting again and not get caught in the weeks missed. also lists have been suggested so here it goes:
major events/ just fun not so major events:
1. robot party
2. fun in NYC
3. wedding
4. more fun in NYC
5. work on shows. a lot.
6. show #1 (realism: the mythical brontosaurus) up and running
7. show #2 (horror: the transformation) up and running
8. lots of birhtdays, but not so many parties (shout up to jamie, gail, nick, darren, and lots of others i am missing right now.
9. the first snow of the season
10. a new hair cut

so that is basically it. i am back.

6.2

so it is Friday. ahhhh friday the day that everyone looks forward to… except this weekend will be no different from my week, i might even be working harder and sleeping less (not for the sake of fun but instead for work.) fridays should included happy hours and apps, not stupid puppets that don’t work.
sometimes i just wish we did normal theater. i know that everyone loves what we do (and so do i) but it would be so much easier to just produce already written realistic shows. i am just feeling lazy and overwhelmed right now, i know that i would really hate making average theater. today will be the 6th day in a row that i have been either at the theater or 5 green boxes for over 12hrs. per day and even when i make it home i am still working on shit.
last night as i was driving home, my tire blew out. i went to sleep knowing that i would have to change it in the morning. i was going to go in early to finish the puppets, so i would just have to get up a bit earlier, but then i forgot and started to drive away. i stopped to change it and it was again an ordeal, the wheel wouldn’t come off. can nothing be on my side this week? i also can’t find my drivers liscence. i have to do a lot of shit before i leave for NY, including a 3000 piece mailer that no one has time for. AHHHHHHHH. lucky i have a valid passport if i can’t find my drivers liscence.
should i buy a powerball ticket for tomorrow’s drawing? someday karma has to swing back, right? maybe it's tomorrow.

i did take enough of a break on wednesday to watch “so you think you can dance” and i still love it. it just keeps getting harder. i want nick to win. i don’t even understand if there will be a guy and a girl who win or just one person. anyway, one of the judges (who straightened his hair for this episode, bad choice brian, i think he might have even had a weave ugh.) said that nick belonged on stage with celine dion, not so sure that is a compliment but nick sure took it as one. he is such a smiler, i love him.

i just bought a wedding present and i am not sure how i am getting it there, don’t worry people i am not going to spoil it, i am 100% sure that liz (the bride) reads this, so i will just say that i might wait to give it to them when they have the denver reception. that’s kosher right? i mean wedding rules say i have a year to give them a gift, so a couple weeks shouldn’t be a problem. then they can figure out how to get it back to the city.

recommendation: take time for dancing.

6.1

so, i'll go a bit out of order...
the contractors failed. and so we have been building our own set/house. it sucks, the stress is overwhelming, i am exhausted. i spent sunday (after working for five hrs) framing and working of the postcard. i spent 10 hours yesterday drywalling and mudding. so tired. the shows happen very very soon and i am leaving for five days in the middle here. oh well, nothing to be done. i will have a great time in NYC, the rest of buntport is totally capable of doing it with out me, it is just one less person that might be helpful during crunch time. oh well.

so now for the fun of life (yes i am back to the fun, even if i am still draggin a bit); friday night my boy was supposed to meet my college friends. we were supped to go to dinner and hang out etc. but i got a call that he was stuck at work. i was totally fine with the prospect of marc not making dinner, i wasn't even really disappointed except i knew what the others reaction would be... not good. anyway, they were a little peeved about it but we had fun anyway. we went to pete's central one, a greek place, where the food just keeps coming: apps, soup, salad, gyros and ouzo(sp?), yes the ouzo(sp?) just kept flowing. and we got a little tossed at dinner. then we went over to sputnik where marc finally did meets us, (lucky cuz there was about to be a mutiny, i think they were about to go kidnapp him from kinkos) he had had a rough/long day at work, but then we started to drink, and drink a lot. we went next door to see the hot iqs play and to send them on their trip to cmj, it was a good show they even played "fucking on the nightstand" which they never play anymore. We all went home, not totally sure how everyone got to their respective house but i feel confident they did.
marc and i were both super hung-over in the morning, and stumbled to breakfast before i had to get to work. which reminds me i should get some groceries because eating at home is easier sometimes. anyway, wrap it up sam... it was a very fun and drunk evening, i haven't had one of those in a long time.
saturday night was the lupec crush party. also quite fun. michael (the distant one, the original) came to my house to learn about her new mac for awhile, then we went to the early lupec mixer. lupec (ladies untied for the preservation of endangered cocktails) are a fun group of gals who drink a lot (fun drinks) and network/chat about politics and women’s history. after the mixer (at sputnik) we went next door (to the hi-dive) (deja vu.) there were three of my favorite djs (marc/the postman, andrea/yer mom, and michael/giddy wigdan) and drink specials to benefit planned parenthood. also they had crush-o-grams: for $1 you could send a pin to a crush and write a note, for another $1 the crushee could get the note from the crusher and find out the identity, so fun. i got four buttons. i am sooooo popular. just kidding. but it sure was exciting to get pins. michael and i ditched out early but still had a really good time, supported a good cause and saw some friends.

in conclusion: i had a fun weekend even though i am really stressed out. my random friends (who are important just not always present) got to meet my boy. and they like him a lot, they might even love him, whatever, they approve.

recommendation: send middle school note to people, you know the type, check this box if you like me...

5.3

this was the fortune in the cookie i got today at spicy basil:
do it because you love it

at a previous visit to the same establishment i got a fortune that said:
kiss the person next to you

so great. i think that there is some sort of extremely perfect meaning in the one i got today, but i can't go into it right now.

recommendation: thai chicken pockets at spicy basil (i think they are just a basic basil chicken that you wrap in iceburg lettuce, but it is so good)

5.2

so when you are in the midst of an existentcial crisis it is great to have friends that fill different roles...
the friends who nod and question, the friends who agree and wallow with you, the friends who will try to over analyze and fix it, the list continues. i am thankful to all of the people i have forced to listen to me over the past couple days. I am a bit of a wreak, crying in coffee shops all over town. it is rare that i am like this and it must mean something.
is it the hurricane and flooding? the disorganization and chaos that is leading to death and unnecessary destruction? the racism? the government's lack of response? the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness? is that what is causing my melancholy?

is it the anxiety about the shows? my recent lack of interest in everything related to theater? the guilt i feel for being able to do whatever i want to in terms of my art, and not being inspired to do anything? is that the hollowness i feel?

is it the loneliness? the longing for friends that are not here? and the self-reproach because i am very lucky to have the friends i do? i am surrounded by love and well aware that (as cheesey as it sounds) i have to fill my own emptiness. is my gloominess caused by the ideal that i should be happy and therefore blame myself because i am not?

anyway, enough blah blah, this is like a freakin’ diary entry, well i guess they all are, but this one is like i am in 9th grade or something… “what am a going to do with my life? what if bobby doesn’t like me? what should i wear to school tomorrow” LAME.

Recommendation: make a happy mix tape, and dance yourself silly. mine includes: mates of state (haha) shins (new slang) commom (the light) and the killers (mr. brightside)